it took me twenty five years to figure out my power animal: it’s a pirate. fuck, yeah! i’m getting this tattooed on my neck. i’m not a judgmental prick but if you go around existing on this world identifying yourself as a bro, emo, goth, hipster, redneck, or whatever then that’s all good and dandy. if you need to fuck or date someone similar to validate yourself, more power to you. but the real trick to living the life? to live a lifestyle where you just don’t plain need to give a shit? be a fucking pirate. sail the open seas, find opportunities to exploit, plunder as much as you can.

listen: i haven’t written up a resume since i was nineteen, i’ve hustled my ass off since i was ten with pogs in the schoolyard. make do. use whatever you have to get there—hunter s. thompson binged on quaaludes—but once you realize this is all bullshit, all very fucking bullshit, then you’re on your way. six billion people in the world and sixty trillion in world gdp; it’s all on the table. if you can’t get to it, someone else that cut throats will. be a fucking pirate.

you guys, let me holler at you a bit about apples. i’ve been getting my groove on with apples lately. i love honeycrisp. it’s a new breed made by some university eggheads out in the midwest where they overanalyze every corn nibblet they eat. but, fuck, did they hit the ball out of the park this time with honeycrisp. it’s like a blend of golden delicious and something else but it’s crunchy, sweet, and all so right. i’ve been eating traditional red delicious all my life cause that was it, you know? a shiny red apple was what you brought to the teacher—was i the only kid in my ESL class in los angeles to do this???—and it was the archetypical apple, you know? it’s red, it keeps the doctors away. but dude, check it out you need to go to safeway and cop yourself some honeycrisps. yeah, they’re like the most expensive apples out right now at $2.99 a pound but what you do is just remove the tags and stick something cheaper—fujis or something—and pay for that and chow down on some fucking outrageously delicious apples once you leave the store.

that said, short some AAPL before morning bell. i played with a tablet prototype—a preproduction model—and it’s everything you can ever dream of and more.

yeah, kitten pictures might tingle your uterus but kids in link costumes makes me want to procreate.

very excited about my new toy

i’m happy about the future